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:icongentlepeace: More from GentlePeace

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must read later by fayfay13

Poetry and Stories by Bakugan5Ds

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Submitted on
December 24, 2013


37 (who?)
Grip your sword
And fulfill what you’ve sworn
To protect the kingdom
From your descendants souls.

Since birth you've been surrounded by lies and deception
And now you’ve grown to see the abuse of my authority
Now you’ve grown, to kill the one who raised you
But with little hesitation, for my forgiveness is scarce.

I’ve seen you grow; you’ve seen me be cold
When I held you warm, I sacrificed them all
When I was going to give you the kingdom, you revolted against the old
Like I was once told, my son shall become my biggest foe!
Written for :icontulf42:.

I'm taking so long... And gosh darn it I'm sorry.
Also... Yeah... I'm way off topic here,
I was suppose to write "someone being The Chosen One and realising they will be the greatest hero of all time"
and this came out!

So I'm very sorry, tell me what you think D:!
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Delta-13 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! I am critiquing this on the behalf of PowerfulWriting. I really like this piece. I like how the king seems resigned to his fate. There is no blame here, just an implicate understanding that this is the way things are supposed to be. I do not know if this was intentionally or not, but there actually seems to be more anger on the part of the son than on the part of the father. It is very well done and there is a hint of melancholy and bitter sweetness in the poem.

The only thing that threw me a little was the first paragraph. At first i thought it was addressed to the son, but then I saw descendants and that makes me think of the king's children. So did the king swear to protect his kingdom from his son or did his son swear to protect the kingdom from his father. The only reason I ask is because right now I think the character who is speaking the lines is the king, but if the first paragraph is for the king then there are two characters speaking this poem or a third party altogether is speaking the poem...I hope that made sense. XD

Anyway, I really like the poem. Well done!
tulf42 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it, I like it ALOT! :clap: It's easy to understand, short to read (I prefer to read quickly) and has a story! GentlePeace, you have earned the right for me to give you a llama. Oh drat I already gave you one ^^; lol. Back up plan: GentlePeace, with your kindest permission, may I be allowed to read this poem as a YouTube video in 2014? I promise to give all credit to you and will inform you when I'm finished. Plus it makes the best excuse for me to try my new microphone. (if it's any good) :D
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Give me a link to your channel.
tulf42 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
GentlePeace Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That got me hyped! 
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013   Writer
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! 
LissyThePoet Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I enjoyed this very much. Great piece :) 
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much :D 
neuroticparadox Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Professional Writer
I love it
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