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:icongentlepeace: More from GentlePeace


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Literature by Catgirl19

Poetry by Waltzingmatildabae


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Submitted on
February 5
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They say they never work

But we will let them know

It’s hard enough being alone

But it’s even harder without each other


Because, even though you’ve left my side

I can still hear you cry

Fear that brings all the doubts and lies

Forgive me please if I can’t show you my love from so far


Your heart and mine,

They’re fragile by the tides

We’re bleeding and bleeding

With nowhere to hide

We’ve got no home,

When we’re set so apart
For :iconmuffeli: who as for a "long-distance relationship" poem.

Hope you enjoyed it.
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:icondelta-13:
Delta-13 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi, I am critiquing on the behalf of :iconpowerfulwriting: First off, I like this poem. I think it is well written and well paced. I really love the last few lines, because I think that's when the poem really picks up and starts to talk about how much it hurts to be separated from each other. And in general, I think that's the only thing you really need to work on-capturing the pain of being apart. I think the stanzas you have are great and the pacing if wonderful, but I think if you chose a few stronger words here and there the poem would be stronger as a whole. For example: set so apart sounds awkward and a little lifeless to me. I think maybe a stronger word then set would help and I think another word would make the ending stronger. Also I find the transition between "I can still hear you cry" and "fears that bring all the doubts and lies" seems a little awkward.

Overall, great piece. Well done!
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with you with the awkwardness and words choices.
I just don't know enough words, yet.

Thank you for the review.
:iconadoration-plz:
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:icondelta-13:
Delta-13 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem. Like I said I really liked this piece and it was a pleasure to read.
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:iconshaun-shau:
Shaun-shau Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem is amazingly touching and beautiful
keep up the literary magic!^^
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Will do :D!
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:iconshaun-shau:
Shaun-shau Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
yay :iconkermityayplz:
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love that icon! 
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:iconvaliawolfie:
ValiaWolfie Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This brings back some tough memories. owo" But that's a good thing. Long distance is really hard but it's worth it in the end. At least if you try hard enough to close the gap. And even if you don't. The fact that two people can feel so strongly for each other without the physical attributes of a relationship is amazing in itself.
Great job on this, though! x3
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I know what you mean.

We learn from these things.

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:iconvaliawolfie:
ValiaWolfie Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Eeyup. o3o
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