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:icongentlepeace: More from GentlePeace


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November 12, 2012
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King, let me take the princess hand
I’m just a jester, but I’m sure you’ll understand
That we’re in love, and I truly make her laugh
I’m no prince, but you have to give me a chance

I’m not wearing shiny armor; because I’m not weak
And I have no servants; I’ll finish my own deeds
I might not be rich; but she’s always happy
And I might not be perfect; but we are both who we need

So please King, open your eyes so you could see
That the princess and I are truly meant to be
I’m just a jester, but I only plead
For you to let us live joyous and safely
Few people will understand the meaning.
I made this poem thinking "either a poem or a story", poems are easier :D
So, what do you think?

Peace and stay lovely!
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:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
This poem comes across as something that transcends the usual princess-prince love subject, that define generic fairy tales or poems. I feel the rhythm of it has a certain chant-like feel to it and this is naturally relates to a jester's tone who dishes out epic tales of bravery and valor. In this chant however, there is a sense of transcendental courage, which is displayed by the jester openly expressing his affection for the princess, which is undoubtedly a risk to his very life.

However, there were some shortcomings of this poem, without which it would have been a complete masterpiece. To begin with, the rhyme scheme is not constant but varied across the 3 paragraphs - this destabilizes the theme - jesters were very good with rhymes in their time. Also, in some places it sounds more like prose - and this is due to the fact that cliched language has been employed. An inclusion of a few poetic devices - alliteration, chiasmus, etc. - would help. I know you have attempted what may be termed a piece of prosetry, but the peril in this is it might end up as neither. So, be careful.

Overall, it's something different, simple and a piece of writing people can connect to. Well done!
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment, though I'm not sure how to reply.
Most of the problems that I have has to do with the rhyme scheme, I know it's important, but does it make it better? Then again, poetry does rhyme... It's all about the rhyming, right?
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:iconmoonmystery:
moonmystery Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is so nice.... I kinda want to make a song version of this haha
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you kind person!
Maybe you should :happybounce: !
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Let me guess what its about. You can't be together at the moment with the girl you love because her father disapproves.
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I dunno... Why did you sound so mean in my head?
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry if I sounded mean. I honestly didn't me to. I guess I'm just a little irritated because crush my crush probably doesn't like me and I've been losing sleep.
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No worries, I know how you feel.
Try to get some sleep, helps you think straight.
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
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:iconhouse03:
House03 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Either a poem or a story"? I think you did both.
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