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King, let me take the princess hand
I’m just a jester, but I’m sure you’ll understand
That we’re in love, and I truly make her laugh
I’m no prince, but you have to give me a chance

I’m not wearing shiny armor; because I’m not weak
And I have no servants; I’ll finish my own deeds
I might not be rich; but she’s always happy
And I might not be perfect; but we are both who we need

So please King, open your eyes so you could see
That the princess and I are truly meant to be
I’m just a jester, but I only plead
For you to let us live joyous and safely
Few people will understand the meaning.
I made this poem thinking "either a poem or a story", poems are easier :D
So, what do you think?

Peace and stay lovely!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
This poem comes across as something that transcends the usual princess-prince love subject, that define generic fairy tales or poems. I feel the rhythm of it has a certain chant-like feel to it and this is naturally relates to a jester's tone who dishes out epic tales of bravery and valor. In this chant however, there is a sense of transcendental courage, which is displayed by the jester openly expressing his affection for the princess, which is undoubtedly a risk to his very life.

However, there were some shortcomings of this poem, without which it would have been a complete masterpiece. To begin with, the rhyme scheme is not constant but varied across the 3 paragraphs - this destabilizes the theme - jesters were very good with rhymes in their time. Also, in some places it sounds more like prose - and this is due to the fact that cliched language has been employed. An inclusion of a few poetic devices - alliteration, chiasmus, etc. - would help. I know you have attempted what may be termed a piece of prosetry, but the peril in this is it might end up as neither. So, be careful.

Overall, it's something different, simple and a piece of writing people can connect to. Well done!
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment, though I'm not sure how to reply.
Most of the problems that I have has to do with the rhyme scheme, I know it's important, but does it make it better? Then again, poetry does rhyme... It's all about the rhyming, right?
Reply
:iconmoonmystery:
moonmystery Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is so nice.... I kinda want to make a song version of this haha
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you kind person!
Maybe you should :happybounce: !
Reply
:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Let me guess what its about. You can't be together at the moment with the girl you love because her father disapproves.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I dunno... Why did you sound so mean in my head?
Reply
:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry if I sounded mean. I honestly didn't me to. I guess I'm just a little irritated because crush my crush probably doesn't like me and I've been losing sleep.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No worries, I know how you feel.
Try to get some sleep, helps you think straight.
Reply
:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconhouse03:
House03 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Either a poem or a story"? I think you did both.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No, I said that I'm thinking of making a story out of it.
Reply
:iconathazagoraphobias:
Athazagoraphobias Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awww, how sweet! I hope the Jester and the Princess were allowed to be together in the end. :)
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope so too :D
Reply
:iconlissythepoet:
LissyThePoet Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I read this while listening to This Is Not where We Belong by Epigram. The two worked so well togther or maybe it's just me. I am absolutley in love with this. I love your poetry! :)
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and you have good taste in music :D
I searched for the song.
Reply
:iconlissythepoet:
LissyThePoet Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's one of my favorites :p
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's good :happybounce: !
Reply
:iconlissythepoet:
LissyThePoet Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love tht little bouncy emoticon lol
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yea!:happybounce:
I just found out about recently.
Reply
:iconlissythepoet:
LissyThePoet Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I see you've become attached lol :p
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconhappybounce--plz: :iconmeow-plz:

I dunno...
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconklepter:
klepter Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Those who use the least end with the most...in other words, you don't have to have material things to be happy, just the preconceived idea that you can be happy with one thing has the biggest outcomes. Not only can happiness be then easy to find and gain, but then it's also easy to redestribute that happiness. With that four letter word called "love"

Wonderfully done sir, may it become an investment to the future so your writing may continue, for us to always read.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will always write as long as someone reads it :happybounce:
Thank you!
Reply
:iconklepter:
klepter Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your quite welcome, and I shall always read as long as something has been written, continue your awe filled pieces for you'll always have an audience.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthankyouplz:
Reply
:iconklepter:
klepter Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes words can't express things fully, that is quite the case at the moment with your peice. So at my best, there isn't anything else I can say to you except thank you.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconblush--plz:
Reply
:iconklepter:
klepter Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your just great like that
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconnewlaplz: :iconthankyouplz:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my wonderfulness. I love this!!
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my!
Thank you, you wonderful person!
Reply
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww you think I'm a wonderful person??? I'm close to tears... compliments are rare... Thank you. But really, I'm a girl who can just recognize wonderful works of talented people.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and I'm a boy that sees, that you, are awesome.
Thank you :happybounce: !
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
This piece feels so bittersweet to me! :) I love how the speaker is a jester, and it really works with such a structured and rhyming yet free piece... Anyway, excellent work!
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you and I like that you liked it :happybounce:
Excellent comment!
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome, and thank you! :blush:
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconblushplz:
Reply
:iconmuffeli:
Muffeli Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
This is really beautiful~
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, beautiful person.
Reply
:iconmuffeli:
Muffeli Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
You're welcome~ I read your other writings also and I like them.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:squee: Thank you, and thank you for the watch.
And I will not let you down !
Reply
:iconmuffeli:
Muffeli Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
My pleasure ^^
I'm sure you won't, because you are good at writing.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconblushplz: Aw shucks, thanks!
Reply
:iconmuffeli:
Muffeli Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
But you are good. Myself I can't write anything like that.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconsuperblushplz: Thank yous!
And you can, if you practice !
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmrcoolorange:
MrCoolOrange Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This was great! once again you did an outstanding job Mr.GP lol
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, Mr. Orange :la: !
Reply
:iconmrcoolorange:
MrCoolOrange Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Lol I texted you and also i put up pictures of my ugly self lol JUST thought i would let you know :D
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just send you a request on skype, ANSWER/ACCEPT IT
Reply
:iconmrcoolorange:
MrCoolOrange Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Okay!!! IM GETTING TO IT!!!! XD
Reply
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