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:icongentlepeace: More from GentlePeace


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November 12, 2012
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King, let me take the princess hand
I’m just a jester, but I’m sure you’ll understand
That we’re in love, and I truly make her laugh
I’m no prince, but you have to give me a chance

I’m not wearing shiny armor; because I’m not weak
And I have no servants; I’ll finish my own deeds
I might not be rich; but she’s always happy
And I might not be perfect; but we are both who we need

So please King, open your eyes so you could see
That the princess and I are truly meant to be
I’m just a jester, but I only plead
For you to let us live joyous and safely
Few people will understand the meaning.
I made this poem thinking "either a poem or a story", poems are easier :D
So, what do you think?

Peace and stay lovely!
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:iconzark123:
Zark123 Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
This poem comes across as something that transcends the usual princess-prince love subject, that define generic fairy tales or poems. I feel the rhythm of it has a certain chant-like feel to it and this is naturally relates to a jester's tone who dishes out epic tales of bravery and valor. In this chant however, there is a sense of transcendental courage, which is displayed by the jester openly expressing his affection for the princess, which is undoubtedly a risk to his very life.

However, there were some shortcomings of this poem, without which it would have been a complete masterpiece. To begin with, the rhyme scheme is not constant but varied across the 3 paragraphs - this destabilizes the theme - jesters were very good with rhymes in their time. Also, in some places it sounds more like prose - and this is due to the fact that cliched language has been employed. An inclusion of a few poetic devices - alliteration, chiasmus, etc. - would help. I know you have attempted what may be termed a piece of prosetry, but the peril in this is it might end up as neither. So, be careful.

Overall, it's something different, simple and a piece of writing people can connect to. Well done!
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment, though I'm not sure how to reply.
Most of the problems that I have has to do with the rhyme scheme, I know it's important, but does it make it better? Then again, poetry does rhyme... It's all about the rhyming, right?
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:iconmoonmystery:
moonmystery Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is so nice.... I kinda want to make a song version of this haha
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you kind person!
Maybe you should :happybounce: !
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Let me guess what its about. You can't be together at the moment with the girl you love because her father disapproves.
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I dunno... Why did you sound so mean in my head?
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry if I sounded mean. I honestly didn't me to. I guess I'm just a little irritated because crush my crush probably doesn't like me and I've been losing sleep.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No worries, I know how you feel.
Try to get some sleep, helps you think straight.
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:iconsupernobodyhome:
supernobodyhome Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
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:iconhouse03:
House03 Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Either a poem or a story"? I think you did both.
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