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:icongentlepeace: More from GentlePeace


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September 14, 2013
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I once knew a girl whose name was Summer
She acted like a child, she was so happy and wild
And she would always share her love,
She was always with a smile

But one day I noticed, she was no longer happy
So I approached her and said “Why so unhappy?”
She didn’t respond, she just started crying
Later she said “My father is dying.”

Her father had cancer, bedridden and solemn
I only had one answer, “We both know where he’s going.”
She grabbed my hand and responded with “Thank you.”
So then we stood up, and continued growing

A few weeks later, her father passed away
But I always held her, day by day
She never left my side, I helped her feel beloved
On the worst days of Summer, I gave her my love
Something I came up with for the contest hosted by:
:iconknightsofromance:
The theme being: Summer of love.

Someone tell me how I can make that link a icon!

So, what do you think?
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:iconsilver-sung:
silver-sung Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the last line, "On the worst days of Summer, I gave her my love"
This is a really sweet poem. I love it. :)
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
:iconheehee-plz:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013
You've got quite the talent here, the rhyme scheme (intentional or not) works rather well in the context, your closing lines though, the last 2 of your last stanza, the couple of "I helped her feel beloved" and "I gave her my love" doesn't really make sense to me. Perhaps if you changed "beloved" to "adored" or even just accentuate the e (from e to ) to change the phonetic sounding?
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I see what you mean there.

I'm not sure though, maybe if I add "I gave her all my love"?
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013
The problem (as far as I see it) is the two lines in direct conflict, they're not similar enough to work as repetition and therefore just sort of look out of place.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree, I should've found better words.
Reply
:iconlacesnflowers:
lacesnflowers Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is so sweet!!! :clap:
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:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconlacesnflowers:
lacesnflowers Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome.
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:iconmuffeli:
Muffeli Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
Okay now you made me cry :sad:
It's just so beautiful and sad at the same time.
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